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Today, I had a minor outpatient procedure that required sedation. I am not supposed to drive or even be alone for 24 hours. My husband wouldn't take the day off to go with me, and instead of coming home from work, he is at the bar with his coworkers. FML
#6278977 - 11/12/2009 at 8:54pm - love
Today, I thought it would be funny to draw a d*ck on my friend's binder while he was out of the class. While perfecting the drawing I realized the class had gone quiet. Looking up I realised my teacher had been watching me. I had to stand up infront of the class and talk about the drawing. FML
#6278567 - 11/12/2009 at 8:32pm - miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
#6276981 - 11/12/2009 at 7:05pm - love
Today, I was informed by my boss that he has been stealing quarters out of my change bowl to pay for his bus rides. He makes six times the amount I make. FML
#6274623 - 11/12/2009 at 4:40pm - work
Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML
#6274583 - 11/12/2009 at 4:37pm - work
Today, my roommate's boyfriend moved in. I'm in love with him. Now I get to live with the happy couple. FML
#6273710 - 11/12/2009 at 3:34pm - miscellaneous
Today, I received an eviction notice taped to my door stating my landlord is selling his property and moving out of the country in 13 days. My landlord is my boyfriend. FML
#6273079 - 11/12/2009 at 2:39pm - love
Today, I was talking to a friend of mine over webcam, when I saw a scary looking man in a grey hoodie creeping around in the background. I loudly proclaimed "Paige! Who is that creepy looking guy behind you?" Turns out it was her mom. She heard everything. FML
#6271933 - 11/12/2009 at 12:34pm - miscellaneous
Today, I realised I hate my cat. She has 'stress incontinence', which involved her peeing all over my house. Last week I found out she'd been peeing on my stove, and I can't clean off the smell. Now whenever I try to cook some food, the kitchen is flooded with the scent of burning cat pee. FML
#6271893 - 11/12/2009 at 12:30pm - miscellaneous
Today, I returned home for the first time in a year, and found my entire computer missing. I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." FML
#6270812 - 11/12/2009 at 9:36am - miscellaneous
Today, I realized that I hadn't shaved in so long that when the wind blew, the hairs on my legs moved in the breeze. FML
#6270063 - 11/12/2009 at 6:17am - health
Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML
#6269978 - 11/12/2009 at 6:00am - miscellaneous
Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML
#6268890 - 11/12/2009 at 2:17am - kids
Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML
#6268866 - 11/12/2009 at 2:14am - work
Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML
#6268851 - 11/12/2009 at 2:11am - love
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